


Not the Phone!

by janonny



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Hospitals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 02:16:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12355395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janonny/pseuds/janonny
Summary: Steve sits by Tony’s bedside while Tony experiences an interesting side-effect from his concussion.





	Not the Phone!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ivorysilk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivorysilk/gifts).



> Established relationship fic, in the nebulous future. Let’s pretend a kernel of J.A.R.V.I.S.’ code is rediscovered and he’s brought back into existence, separate from Vision. Let’s also pretend concussions work the way they do in this fic. 
> 
> Thank you so much to [Serinah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serinah/pseuds/Serinah) for beta-reading and for the fab turnaround time! All mistakes are my own due to my constant editing. :O
> 
> This fic is for [ivorysilk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivorysilk/pseuds/Ivorysilk), because it was inspired by our discussion on Discord about our own painful falls which turned into a conversation about Steve and Tony in similar situations, because that’s how we roll on Discord.

“Captain, Sir has just been taken to the NTT Medical Center in Tokyo.”

Steve stopped in the middle of his brush stroke, frozen in place at the unexpected news.

He kept his voice level and calm. “Is he alright? What happened?”

“Sir was walking down the stairs at the local hot spring when he slipped on a wet concrete step and fell. There is a high likelihood that he hit his head during the fall as he lost consciousness for approximately five minutes and twenty-six seconds, during which I contacted emergency services and alerted Miss Potts.”

“Good job, J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Steve said, putting down the brush and heading for the door. “Did the paramedics say anything?”

“Sir likely has a concussion, but he is to undergo closer examination at the hospital to be sure.”

It didn’t take any time at all for Steve to consider what to do next.

“Prep the quinjet, please.”

“It’s already running.”

“Thank you.”

# # # # # #

“He’s not usually so clumsy,” Pepper said over the phone. “Thank you for going over to check on him. I just can’t get away right now, especially with the news going crazy about Tony ending up in the hospital in Japan, a day before we’re supposed to launch our new phone.”

“Don’t worry about it, Pepper. I’ve got it handled here, you should focus on Stark Industries and stemming the rumors,” Steve said, leaning back in his chair with eyes still trained on Tony’s slack, sleeping face.

“Rumors? Oh no, Steve. You read the news, didn’t you?”

Steve rubbed a hand over his face. “I might have.”

“You know what Tony says about reading the news when there’s some kerfuffle about Tony or Stark Industries,” Pepper said, sounding sympathetic.

Tony had an almost superhuman ability to ignore the news about himself. It was something Steve was nowhere close to achieving and his jaw clenched at the memory of the rumors going around. “I would take it as a personal favor if you could get the Daily Bugle to print an apology.”

“Ugh, not the Daily Bugle. You know you shouldn’t read the Daily Bugle.”

Steve leaned forward and touched his fingers to Tony’s neck, feeling for his pulse, even though he could hear the machine beeping softly in time with Tony’s heartbeat. He couldn’t help himself. He just needed to feel that thrum of life with his own hands while Tony lay so still.

Steve said with a taut thread of annoyance in his voice, “They said that Tony was in a coma because he fell off the bed in the middle of a drunken orgy.”

Pepper sighed. “I’ll get the lawyers on it. Meanwhile, please don’t answer any calls from any newspapers or tabloids. Tony doesn’t need more of a headache when he wakes up.”

It was a sign of how experienced Pepper was at dealing with recalcitrant superheroes that she knew exactly what to say to get Steve in line. It was Steve’s turn to sigh.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve learned my lesson on that one,” Steve said.

“You learn that lesson every six months,” Pepper said wryly. “Alright, I really have to go now. Please yell at Tony a little bit for me when he wakes up. He really enjoys worrying all of us too much.”

“I’ll be sure to put on my stern Captain America voice. Not that I’m sure it will work on him,” Steve said.

“It might have a different effect than what I was going for,” Pepper agreed with enough dry amusement that Steve had to fight down his embarrassment at what she was implying.

Once the call ended, Steve shifted his hand to run it over Tony’s forehead instead, smoothing his hair back from the stark white bandages. He had sustained a cut on the back of his head from his fall that had needed to be bandaged. Using the quinjet, Steve had only taken six hours to arrive, but Tony must have been exhausted from the injury combined with the examinations and tests from the doctors. He had been asleep since Steve arrived, and hadn’t stirred.

Doctor Kirishima had assured him that this was perfectly normal, and Tony needed the rest. She had said that the long held belief that people with concussions shouldn’t be allowed to sleep was only a misguided myth, and adults should rest as much as they could after a concussion.

Steve hadn’t even known such a myth existed.

He reached down and took Tony’s hand into his, willing Tony to open his brown eyes. He just needed to hear Tony say that he was okay.

# # # # # #

“I’m not okay,” Tony mumbled. “I came all the way to Japan and I didn’t even get one long soak in a natural hot spring before I ended up in a hospital. How could I be okay with that?”

Tony had woken up with little preamble, going from sleeping to talking almost immediately, even though his eyes were only opened to slits. Steve felt a wash of relief, like a weight he didn’t know he was carrying was pulled off his shoulders by the sound of Tony’s voice.

But Steve wasn’t going to say any of that. Tony would only tease him, and then ham it up for more attention.

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’m asking how you’re feeling, not about your lack of baths in hot springs.”

“ _Meh_ ,” Tony said, lifting a listless hand off the bed and wobbling it.

Steve retook the hand and squeezed it. “You know, the others are going to give you such a hard time. Iron Man, taken down by a short flight of stairs.”

“They were wet stairs. They were very dangerous,” Tony grumbled, eyes drooping again.

“Maybe if you weren’t testing out the phone’s new networking capabilities while walking down the stairs, you would have noticed the wet patch, Sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. piped up from Tony’s phone by the bed.

“That’s it, I’m giving you away to McDonalds and you can spend your days measuring the temperatures on cooking Big Macs,” Tony said even as his voice trailed off and his eyes closed completely.

Then, Tony started snoring.

Steve had a deep frown on his face as he asked quietly, “Was Tony really using his phone while walking down the stairs?”

J.A.R.V.I.S. said, “Yes, he was.”

“A stairs leading down to a hot spring, a place that typically has a lot of water splashed all about?” Steve said, more rhetorical now.

“I’m afraid so, Captain.”

Steve looked at the phone which J.A.R.V.I.S. was using to speak to them. It looked in perfectly good condition.

“And he didn’t drop the phone when he fell,” Steve said.

“I believe Sir held the phone up in the air and shouted, ‘Not the phone!’ when he fell. It did not sustain any damage as a result,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said with great resignation.

Steve glared at Tony’s sleeping, relaxed face. He looked much too peaceful for someone who had  caused so much worry. Maybe Steve really was going to indulge in some yelling after all.

# # # # # # #

“I can’t believe you were using your phone while walking down the stairs,” Steve said the moment Tony’s eyes opened.

“That’s not the problem,” Tony said, clearing his throat. “The real problem is that I came all the way to Japan and I didn’t even get to dip a toe in a hot spring before I ended up in a hospital.”

Steve eyed Tony for a moment, taking in his hazy gaze and perplexed expression.

“I had better call the doctor,” Steve said as he leaned in for a closer look at Tony’s eyes.

“Wait, who told you about the phone?” Tony asked.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. did.”

“That traitor. I’m going to sell him to the new underground S.H.I.E.L.D. to run their cafeteria. I heard it’s even worse than before they rooted out Hydra from their ranks,” Tony said dourly.

J.A.R.V.I.S. said from the phone, “The McDonalds threat was more inspired, Sir.”

Tony blinked. “What?”

# # # # # #

“I didn’t even get my feet in the hot springs, and here I am, in a hospital. What a shame.”

“Next time, put down your phone before you use the stairs. That would probably help.”

“Who told you about the phone?”

Steve sighed.

# # # # # #

“You have a concussion because you were using your phone while you walked down the stairs at the hot spring, and when you fell, instead of trying not to crack your head open against the steps, you held your phone up in the air to keep it safe, because you have no self-preservation. J.A.R.V.I.S. was the one to tell me about that, and you have so far threatened to sell him to McDonalds to measure the temperature of cooking burgers, to S.H.I.E.L.D. to run its cafeteria, to what’s left of Hammer Industries to deal with their subpar processes, and to the US government to digitize their paperwork. You have anterograde amnesia, which is normal for someone who has sustained a concussion, and can take a while to recover.”

“I do too have self-preservation,” Tony said, after a short pause.

Steve crossed his arms. “Is that all you have to say about everything I just told you?”

Tony stared back for almost half a minute, blinked, and said, “I can’t believe I haven’t gotten into a hot spring before I ended up in a hospital. What a waste.”

Steve frowned, and tried, “Maybe you shouldn’t have been using your phone when you were using the stairs at the same time then.”

Tony gaped at him, and then said, “Who told you about the phone?”

Steve patted Tony’s hand. The short term memory loss was definitely still in effect.

# # # # # #

“Next time you poke around on your phone while you’re walking down the stairs, we’re not having sex for a week.”

“You couldn’t keep your hands off me for a week, Captain Octopus. And it wasn’t my fault, that step really shouldn’t have been wet. Hey, who told you about the phone?”

To his chagrin, Steve couldn’t deny the statement about keeping his hands off Tony so he decided to power through the conversation anyway. Maybe some of this would stick around in Tony’s subconscious. “Why wouldn’t the step be wet? You were at a hot spring. Things are usually wet there.”

“Because they’re stairs. It’s a health and safety hazard for stairs to be wet,” Tony returned promptly.

Then he reached up and touched his head lightly.

“Are you okay, Tony?” Steve said, immediately dropping the light banter.

“Well, I’m in Japan, with a concussion, my boyfriend is berating me, and I haven’t even had—”

“—a soak in a hot spring,” Steve finished for him. “You also have anterograde amnesia, but Doctor Kirishima assures me that’s normal.”

Tony took a couple seconds to process that before looking at Steve mournfully. “I have a headache.”

He had said that the last two times as well, and the doctor had also said it was normal.

“Do you want something for it?” Steve asked, even though he already knew the answer based on the last iteration of this.

“No, not really,” Tony mumbled.

Then, going off script, he looked at Steve with his big dark eyes and said, “Hey, I’m cold.”

Steve frowned. This was new and a little bit worrying. “I can get you more blankets. Maybe check if they can turn up the—”

“No, I mean, well, do we really need blankets when I have you here? Maybe you could share some of that supersoldier heat with me instead?” Tony suggested hopefully. He continued to stare at Steve with a sad, pleading look.

Steve knew he was being played. There was no way he was not being played. He was being played by a concussion-ridden, extremely careless, phone-saving, head-risking genius.

And it was working.

He had felt relief when Tony woke up, but he hadn’t been able to relax since it became clear that Tony’s concussion had aftereffects. Steve had been sitting stiff in the chair by Tony’s bed the whole time, pinned in place by the gnawing hole in the pit of his stomach that had opened up the moment J.A.R.V.I.S. had called him, that had remained hollow and cold for the duration Tony had lay in this hospital bed, confused and replaying the day’s events over and over again.

But now, Steve felt his stiff spine relaxing and stomach warming again even as he kissed the back of Tony’s hand, unable to resist Tony’s ridiculous antics.

“The bed is pretty small,” he said, not even able to muster a stern voice.

Tony twisted his hand so that he cupped Steve’s cheek. “We’ll just have to huddle really, really close together then.”

Steve raised his eyebrows, but he was already standing up. It took a little manoeuvring, but they had been in tighter places, under worse conditions. After a couple minutes of grumbling rearrangement, Tony was on his side, lying closer to the machines that were still reading his vitals, and Steve was spooned right up behind him.

Tony sighed with deep contentment. Steve could only mentally echo the sentiment as he curled an arm around Tony’s waist and tucked his nose into the back of Tony’s hair. He smelled of antiseptic and chemicals, but there was still the faintest trace of citrus and musk, the scent of his very expensive shampoo.

“You know what’s a shame?”

Steve knew. “That you didn’t get to go into a hot spring yet.”

“Yeah. Exactly that.”

# # # # # #

“Hey, when did you get here?” Tony asked, after thirty minutes of watching a small 3D rendering of one of the Star Wars movies that J.A.R.V.I.S. had projected above the phone on the side table.

It was a pretty spectacular display of 3D projection, and Steve was pretty sure none of Tony’s competitors were anywhere close to being able to do this on their phones yet.

Steve lifted his face so that he wouldn’t be eating Tony’s hair while he talked. “About eight hours ago. You’ve been loopy for those eight hours. And yes, I know you’re unhappy that you didn’t get to go use the hot springs yet. And yes, I also know about how you were using your phone while walking down the steps, which is why you slipped on a puddle.”

“J.A.R.V.I.S., you traitor,” Tony hissed, but J.A.R.V.I.S. hadn’t bothered to respond since the last three rounds of this.

Steve sighed. “What were you even thinking, Tony? And you prioritised the phone over your head when you fell.”

Tony said, “J.A.R.V.I.S. should have told me that the concrete was wet. What’s the point of an all-seeing Artificial Intelligence if he’s not going to be useful all the same time?”

“Is that permission to take over the world, Sir?” J.A.R.V.I.S. piped up.

“You mean you haven’t already?” Tony asked, faux-surprised. “I never thought I could make an underachieving A.I.”

“Please don’t encourage each other,” Steve said wearily.

But his heart wasn’t in it. On one hand, J.A.R.V.I.S. showed a lot more restraint than Tony, so a megalomaniacal Artificial Intelligence was unlikely to be a worry for the near future. On the other hand, maybe there really would be fewer accidents due to Tony’s recklessness and habit of flaunting safety procedures if J.A.R.V.I.S. took over the world and monitored Tony’s every move.

“Why are we watching Star Wars?” Tony asked, obviously forgetting how he had asked J.A.R.V.I.S. to play the movie just thirty minutes ago.

# # # # # #

“I’m pretty sure I can handle wet steps. It’s just that they were uneven too. That was just an unexpected double whammy. Who would expect wet _and_ uneven steps?”

Maybe Steve shouldn’t be making a game out of Tony’s short term memory issues, but he was honestly impressed by how many reasons Tony could come up with for why it wasn’t his fault that he had slipped on wet steps while using his phone and walking at the same time.

Steve ruffled Tony’s spiky hair and kissed his ear.

“What’s that for?” Tony asked, even as he turned his head for another kiss.

Steve gave him a light kiss on the lips, before pressing another kiss to his stubbled jawline.

“You’re just so weird,” Steve said, knowing he sounded overwhelmingly fond but not trying to tamp it down either.

Tony said, “You’re one to talk. What are you doing in this hospital bed with me? Were you thinking about scandalizing the nurses?”

Steve laughed. “Did you want me to go back to my chair instead?”

Tony tightened his hold on Steve’s arm around his waist. “No. I think I’m feeling a little cold.”

“Yeah, you were feeling a little cold earlier too. That’s why I’m here.”

“Oh,” Tony said, and Steve could see a light flush creeping up the back of Tony’s neck and his ears.

He nuzzled into the flush, breathing in Tony’s warm scent.

“Yeah, _oh_ ,” Steve said with amusement. “You’re full of good ideas, even if you don’t remember them.”

Tony sighed. “Anterograde amnesia sucks.”

# # # # # #

“Can you promise me something?” Steve asked when they were halfway through the movie, breaking the peaceful silence between them.

“What’s that?”

Steve figured that with Tony’s short term memory issues, he could probably practise this conversation a few times to see what would work best. Not a very nice and wholesome Captain America tactic, but no matter what the general public thought, Steve didn’t often feel the need to stick to nice and wholesome.

“Stop using phones while you’re walking down the stairs,” Steve said.

Tony twisted around in Steve’s hold so that he could look Steve in the eye. “I was only using the phone because I have a presentation tomorrow. I wanted to be sure the new networking functions were working.”

“You have your engineers and testing team for that,” Steve pointed out.

“I’m a hands-on person.”

“Hands-on while walking down the stairs.”

“It would have been okay if the steps weren’t wet.”

“And you would have seen that the steps were wet if you weren’t using your phone.”

Tony tried to cross his arms, which was difficult while on his side and sharing a small bed with Steve. “But I had to use the phone because I have a presentation tomorrow.”

Steve shook his head. Tony didn’t need to have anterograde amnesia to go in an endless circle of deflection.

From very close proximity, Steve awkwardly poked Tony in the chest. “I have never met a genius who isn’t smart enough to put down his phone before using the stairs.”

Tony grabbed Steve’s finger and pretended to bite it. “I’m a genius, which means I can navigate the stairs and use the phone at the same time.”

Steve reclaimed his finger and raised his eyebrows, looking pointedly at Tony’s bandaged forehead. “Evidently not.”

“The steps shouldn’t have been wet,” Tony complained.

“And you shouldn’t have prioritized saving the phone over stopping the fall,” Steve said.

Tony looked aghast. “Do you have anterograde amnesia too? You know I was supposed to demonstrate the new phone tomorrow. I couldn’t let it be damaged in a fall!”

“I know Stark phones, they don’t break with just one fall. Even if they did, you can build yourself a new phone, you can’t build yourself a new head!”

“How do you know? What’s so hard about building a new head? I’m going to—”

“Wait, what did you say about anterograde amnesia?” Steve suddenly cut in.

Tony stopped and blinked. “Are you sure you don’t have one, Steve? You’re the one who told me about mine.”

Steve said, “Yes, but that was almost an hour ago, at the start of the movie. So you remember that?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, I remember the long spiel you gave, and that you had given it seven times already.”

“And you already told me that it’s a shame you haven’t—”

“—soaked in a hot spring yet. Yep. I remember that.”

Steve said, “And you said I was weird for being in bed with you, then you asked me to stay anyway to keep you warm.”

Tony waved a hand at that, trying to look nonchalant. “Yes, yes, the effects of the concussion made me say and do strange things.”

Steve put his arm around Tony’s waist and pulled him closer until they were staring at each other from a mere three inches apart. “So you want me to stop cuddling you and get back in my chair?”

“I didn’t say that,” Tony murmured, snaking an arm around Steve’s back and gripping the back of his T-shirt, as if to keep him secured in place.

“Damn right, you didn’t,” Steve said with a grin. “And I think you’re shaking off the effects of the concussion.”

“I don’t know… I think I’m still feeling a little dizzy. Maybe if you stopped berating me and held me tighter instead…” Tony was shamelessly letting his thick, dark lashes flutter close, like he was having a swoon.

Steve tucked Tony closer, burying Tony’s face in his neck even as he pressed an exasperated kiss to Tony’s bandaged head.

“We’re going to have this conversation again later,” Steve said.

He could feel Tony kiss the side of Steve’s neck, before saying in the fakest innocent voice, “What conversation?”

# # # # # #

“Tony, I can’t believe you were walking down the steps in an _onsen_ , where it’s not strange at all for the steps to be wet, while using your phone, and when you fell, you were trying to save your phone instead of your head!” Pepper said, crossing her arms and looking very put out through the holographic display Tony’s phone was projecting.

Tony glanced at Steve who was back in his chair, holding Tony’s hand loosely.

“Traitor,” Tony mouthed at Steve.

Steve shrugged and grinned, squeezing Tony’s warm hand. Tony squeezed back, _hard_ , but it wasn’t enough to cause any pain. Tony might have Steve wrapped around his little finger, with or without anterograde amnesia and concussions, but Pepper could probably sort him out.

Steve mouthed back at him, “Love you too, Tony.”

Tony rolled his eyes, but his ears were a little pink when he turned back to the berating he was getting from Pepper.

**Author's Note:**

> To change things up, I decided to challenge myself to start every section with dialogue, in a way that seems natural. Not sure if I succeeded, lol.
> 
> Thanks again to Ivorysilk, who came up with the threat against J.A.R.V.I.S. to have him measuring the temperature of burgers in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s cafeteria, which I decided to split up into multiple threats. Fortunately, J.A.R.V.I.S. knows better than to take Tony seriously, regardless of the concussion. :)


End file.
